Jan

15

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

What in the name of fuck?

Some years ago, a female orangutan was rescued from a Borneo prostitute village (sic) where she was being used as a novelty sex slave.

AN ORANGUTAN SEX SLAVE.

The worst thing is, the villagers probably captured another baby female to replace her as soon as the rescuers left. Let’s not even talk about the fact that ‘prostitute villages’ even exist or that men would pay to have sex with a shaved orangutan.

Meanwhile, everyone’s up in arms because Donald Trump said something about shithole countries… well, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, isn’t it?

Dec

6

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

What was that thing about beggars and choosers again?

A French charity is collecting material donations for the migrants in Calais. Their list of urgently needed items includes unlocked mobile phones and their chargers and clothes and shoes in men’s sizes. I think that says a lot…

If you look at the complete list in French, they even specify boxers – not briefs – and trainers – preferably black. They are not interested in toys or children’s clothing as they have “too many”. There’s also a small list of women’s items but it hasn’t been translated into English (unlike the men’s items) so clearly isn’t a priority.

So my question is: where do the Guardian find those children and families who are supposedly living rough in Calais and whose pictures they keep taking to illustrate their many articles?

Oh, and apparently some Lycamobile Sim cards and fire extinguishers would be welcome too. You know, the kind of thing you just have lying around.

Meanwhile, the food list includes smoked paprika, olive oil, fresh chillies, honey, Cayenne pepper (in addition to regular pepper), tahini and Indian saffron (!!!). These are some seriously well-fed migrants. Will Jay Rayner be reviewing the Calais Canteen, I wonder?

Donation suggestion (but don’t forget to cover up the word ‘Christmas’ on the pudding label)

Nov

11

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Fear is not an option

I just received some promotional mail from Littlewoods and I am speechless. This is 2017 and look at the ugly, 80’s-style crap they’re still selling:

True Lies Mom Style is real!

Jun

27

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Not fair

Inbreeding, anywhere in the world

Inbreeding, anywhere in the world

Inbreeding in Iceland

Inbreeding in Iceland

Jan

14

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

It may have escaped your notice…

… but life isn’t fair.

alan_rickman

Dec

1

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Geography lesson, huh?

geography_lesson

Sep

27

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Food as punishment

I was just browsing a forum and came across a post which made my head spin: an American woman was complaining that her friend’s fruit salad was unpalatable as it had too much mayonnaise in it.

Mayonnaise. In fruit salad. Mayonnaise.

No. Just no.

No. Just no.

I read the post four times, thinking my eyes were deceiving me. Then I reminded myself that American taste buds are slightly different from European ones, to say the least. So I did a bit of research and found this recipe which appears to be totally genuine.

Celery, pineapple, walnuts, tinned tuna, grapes, salad, apples, mayonnaise/salad dressing and dates stuffed with peanut butter. Serve with hot soup and rolls.

It sounds absolutely horrendous to me. Just because you happen to have all these things in your pantry does not mean they belong together!

Still, it’s nowhere near as bad as Elvis Presley’s “Fool’s Gold” sandwich:

1. Coat a loaf of Italian bread in butter.
2. Bake it.
3. Hollow out the loaf.
4. Fill it with an entire jar of smooth peanut butter and an entire jar of jam.
5. Finally, stuff it with a pound of crispy bacon.
Serves 8-10 (or one Elvis).

I have no words.

I have no words

May

30

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

No. No. Nonononono. No. I said NO!

Alas, even denial cannot keep my eyes from bleeding.

graduating_preschool

Feb

10

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Institutionally illiterate

Sussex Police note on car windscreen:

Count the spelling mistakes...

(Gotta love the context too)

Jan

18

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

C’mon now, this is just ridiculous

US teen deported to Colombia

Ignore the main story (although a teenage girl called Jakadrien is bad enough) and focus on this gem:

“Dallas Police detective C’mon (pronounced Simone) Wingo, the detective in charge of the case”

What?

What?!

Nov

5

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

Heard in an episode of Educating Essex:

Student is reading an illustrated book called “The Story of Odysseus”.

Support teacher: What are you reading?
Student: Have you heard of The Odyssey?
Support teacher: Is it a ship?

Jul

27

By nightowl

No Comments

Categories: WTF

I am appalled

Severus, who did this to you?!

Apr

12

By nightowl

1 Comment

Categories: WTF

Images from Planet Insane

I have not had the time of my life watching this. In fact I’m feeling a bit queasy…

Give me Tesco’s pole dancing kit for kids any day

Keep watching all the way to the end; every time you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse, it does!

Jan

17

By nightowl

1 Comment

Categories: WTF

I blame Blackadder

Just spotted on Yahoo Answers:

“How did the atmosphere of Victorian England effect [sic] Shakespeare’s work?”